and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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