They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
