Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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