Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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