yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
