She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
