In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
