In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
