i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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