Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
