take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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