I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I would ride that face into the sunset
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
