Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
