I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
