I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
how does that bad decision feel?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
