fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize
