I want to stick my p in your. b.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
