C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
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There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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