My friends, they love my intelligence
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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