I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
