she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
