I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
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I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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