im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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