So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize