if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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