I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
