Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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