I'm lost and stupid without you.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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