Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
