Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
