i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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