Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
