OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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