turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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