hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
