$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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