Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
