My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.