The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
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I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
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I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
