Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now

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(608): it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now http://tfl.nu/jhc8

Replies (14) Good night (2755) Bad night (1060)
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(801): View more from Utah

My underwear smells like fireworks.

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(801): My underwear smells like fireworks. http://tfl.nu/cuz7

Replies (19) Good night (4723) Bad night (770)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj

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(617): anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj http://tfl.nu/74ok

Replies (76) Good night (6739) Bad night (795)
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(573): View more from Missouri

dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one

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(573): dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one http://tfl.nu/jlbe

Replies (54) Good night (11102) Bad night (1364)
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(843): View more from South Carolina

I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.

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(843): I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship. http://tfl.nu/ax7l

Replies (33) Good night (1506) Bad night (2996)
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(530): View more from California

It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.

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(530): It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him. http://tfl.nu/ayo2

Replies (8) Good night (2396) Bad night (1034)
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(314): View more from Missouri

sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire

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(314): sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire http://tfl.nu/hb2c

Replies (5) Good night (1640) Bad night (790)
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(701): View more from North Dakota

Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.

(701): View more from North Dakota

The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.

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(701): Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend. (701): The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer. http://tfl.nu/9cgs

Replies (7) Good night (2089) Bad night (902)
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(406): View more from Montana

You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt

(1-406): View more from Montana

That literally makes no sense

(406): View more from Montana

Exactly

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(406): You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt (1-406): That literally makes no sense (406): Exactly http://tfl.nu/db6l

Replies (7) Good night (2142) Bad night (674)
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(206): View more from Washington

You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.

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(206): You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship. http://tfl.nu/k0v9

Replies (3) Good night (592) Bad night (1004)
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(805): View more from California

OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.

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(805): OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine. http://tfl.nu/qt1j

Replies (12) Good night (2568) Bad night (512)
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(859): View more from Kentucky

The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers

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(859): The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers http://tfl.nu/vamg

Replies (0) Good night (1757) Bad night (322)
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(907): View more from Alaska

Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly

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(907): Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly http://tfl.nu/1xxm

Replies (2) Good night (568) Bad night (223)
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(360): View more from Washington

That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.

(206): View more from Washington

You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.

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(360): That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit. (206): You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety. http://tfl.nu/nmz2

Replies (0) Good night (606) Bad night (232)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?

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(603): Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club? http://tfl.nu/0f4q

Replies (5) Good night (419) Bad night (318)

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