Texts From Last Night

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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Me too. Send a cab. Order food.

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  (502): Me too. Send a cab. Order food. http://tfl.nu/uwpo
  Replies (2) Good night (1029) Bad night (455)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.

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  (404): In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson. http://tfl.nu/jbmm
  Replies (6) Good night (811) Bad night (1816)
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  (323): View more from California

  how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.

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  (323): how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs. http://tfl.nu/c8lq
  Replies (9) Good night (2140) Bad night (828)
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  (716): View more from New York

  You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.

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  (716): You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook. http://tfl.nu/wajd
  Replies (18) Good night (5781) Bad night (1520)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd

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  (301): I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd http://tfl.nu/xdaa
  Replies (8) Good night (1007) Bad night (3553)
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  (518): View more from New York

  our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.

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  (518): our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here. http://tfl.nu/908w
  Replies (5) Good night (3341) Bad night (807)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk

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  (614): I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk http://tfl.nu/rn5q
  Replies (4) Good night (2528) Bad night (709)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.

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  (801): I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl. http://tfl.nu/k0v0
  Replies (18) Good night (900) Bad night (4573)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  ...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.

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  (254): ...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom. http://tfl.nu/zxa5
  Replies (4) Good night (2756) Bad night (860)
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  (432): View more from Texas

  If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall

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  (432): If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall http://tfl.nu/47u9
  Replies (2) Good night (1017) Bad night (950)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.

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  (330): I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot. http://tfl.nu/wf9d
  Replies (4) Good night (917) Bad night (606)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.

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  (+44): Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill. http://tfl.nu/mubs
  Replies (6) Good night (929) Bad night (617)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.

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  (402): Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day. http://tfl.nu/rkpb
  Replies (6) Good night (575) Bad night (1433)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment

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  (651): I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment http://tfl.nu/g035
  Replies (2) Good night (449) Bad night (203)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.

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  (616): Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning. http://tfl.nu/kfpq
  Replies (3) Good night (419) Bad night (225)

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