those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.