think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
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the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
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The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness