I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
