Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
