Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
