true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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