Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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