Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We named our party play list daddy issues
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
