I met the friendliest cop last night
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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