My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
