After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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