I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
