You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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