i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Randomize
