i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
