I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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