i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
