The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
