maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
