im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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