I got chris browned last night
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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