I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm passing your future prison.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
