The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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