Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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