Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
