There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
